I did it!!! Met my first goal, plus 1 pound! 31 pounds... If I felt better, I would be bouncing off the walls! *smiles* As it stands, I am sedately pleased and ready to set my next goal and work hard to achieve it. I really wish I felt better....I should be so much more excited than I am...*Sighs*  Well maybe in a couple of days....

1.5 pounds til I hit my first goal!  I am now Pre-Michael weight. YES! I am able to get into a lovely red lacy, satiny negligee that I had before I met Michael. I was never able to wear it during our marriage (Not that it would have made any difference, but that is another story…no…wait…It is all in the past and has absolutely NO bearing my life now…it is forgotten). In any event, the numbers and inches keep melting away. My sister isn’t going to recognize me.(well, of course she will but you know what I mean! *giggles*)

*GRINS* October is going to be such rush. I tried my garb on and it is TOO big…well, my skirts are falling off my hips and my bodice wants to over lap from the bottom to about half way up. It still supports my girls, but I can breathe easily…*LOL* Anyone who knows anything about bodices, knows that is not necessarily a good thing. My chemises I am not too worried about since I wear them under everything, so I am good there for the time being.

Yep, I Rock!

Brightest Blessings,

I hit 25
pounds today! I was so jazzed! I couldn't stop grinning and dancing all
day! I know that there are better ways of reckoning weight loss, but
there is something so satisfying seeing those numbers creep down. I
LOVE the fact my clothes are too big for me and I am just about ready
to go try on my faire garb and see how loose it all is!  *LOL*

I
keep seeing myself in October going to my local Renaissance Faire and
seeing my faire family for the first time in a year. *GRINS* I can't
wait to see my ex-husband's face, when he sees me for the first time...
and my bards...and all my family. THIS is what I picture when I am
walking for an hour on my treadmill...me in brand new Garb, with my
hair longer, walking around faire as if I owned it. 

I
know, that sounds awful, but my sense of myself has grown, and I no
longer walk around with my head bent down, staring at the sidewalk. I
face life head on now! Head held high and usually with a smile on my
face.  I love who I am and who I am becoming, and that is something I
NEVER thought I would hear myself say.

It
is not just the weight loss, mind you...that is actually gravy. This
has been coming since long before my divorce. All the experiences I
have had over the past 12 years have led me to where I am now,
including the gift of my marriage and divorce. 

Wow, if I am this giddy at 25 pounds, I cannot WAIT to see me at 50! *grins* 

Love, Light and Laughter,
Amethyst

It is never to late-in fiction or in life-to revise. (Nancy Thayer)

Good Morning, my friends and Happy St. Patrick's Day! It is a beautiful morning here in Vegas and my day started pretty well too. I finally hit my 20 pound mark...22.5 actually.  4 pounds gone this week!!!  I thought I was never gonna make it. The first 15 wers so easy! (relatively speaking) I have never worked so hard or struggled so much (And I was doing everything correctly) to lose 5 pounds!

Yanno, I hit my highest weight during my marriage (he is an alcoholic) and didn't find out til after I left my ex that I had become a stress eater. When we separated, I dropped 60 pounds in about 3 months, not doing anything special (besides my dancing), because suddenly the stress was gone. It literally fell off.

I ended up putting it on again once I was in a really bad roommate situation, and once I was out of there, I dropped about 20-25 almost immediately, again without much effort. In fact, it seemed once I tried to start "working" on it to lose more, the more stubborn it became!  The the harder I dieted, the harder it was to lose the weight. It is just so wierd.

Since setting foot upon this path, I have learned that I wasn't an overeater, I  just ate badly all the time, I was a junky eater!  This site I belong to gives me a calorie range and I very often find that, while eating healthy, I struggle to eat up to the lowest end of the range. I find that amazing! I questioned that for the longest time, but now I understand that you have to eat to lose weight. That my body needs the energy to do the work that burns the calories. It is such a conundrum...but I have seen the results.

I have finally learned the difference between "dieting" and "Lifestyle Change." Much to my surprise it is easier in some ways then I thought it would be! I haven't had a soda or chips since the first of the year(Except for half a glass of Dr. Pepper and a handful of chips on my birthday) and I haven't missed them. I buy large quantities of veggies and fruit, I have cut back(But can't cut out entirely cause I love it) red meat, and I drink approximately 10-12 glasses of water a day. I have learned there is no "bad" food or "Good" food. I can incorporate my favourite goodies into my lifestyle. I joined a gym two weeks ago and get up at 4:30 every morning to walk on the treadmill. I am up to 50 minutes and a lttle over two miles. Today I meet with my trainer and learn how to use the machines and weights.

I have to admit that my enthusisam is not as great now as it was at the beginning. I floated for about the first  month, recommending left and right the free weight support group I was led to (www. Sparkpeople.com) and getting up at 5 am to dance evey morning. I wish I still had that GUNGHO attitude, that excitiment and thrill.  

I often find myself  trying to talk myself out of the full 50 minutes on the treadmill. I have to push, lecture and cajole myself to finish. However, once done, there is an intense feeling of pride that I pushed through and finished. Go Figure!   I realize now, that  I have the deep seated motivation, the determination to be healthier and life my life more succulantly! It isn't all about losing the weight. It is about becoming a happier, healthier, more alive me!

I am just full of contradictions this morning! *LOL*  The one thing I am really looking forward to ( beside new clothes and being able to sit cross legged, among other things) is going to my Shadow Lane Party in September and my Faire in October and having my friends and Faire Family NOT recognize me(or at the very least having their jaws drop when they see me.) All of my friends and family have never known me any other way but Heavy. Heck, it seems I have never known me any other way but heavy!

Well, time to finish my laundry and get ready to meet with my trainer.

Have a great weekend and be sure to do at least one thing that makes you happy!

*snuggles*

Love, Light and Laughter,
Amethyst

The Aim of Life is to Live,
and to Live Means to be Aware, Joyously, Drunkenly, Serenely, Divinely  Aware. 

{Henry Miller}.

It is a beautiful Sunday Afternoon. I have had a wonderful weekend. (Well, Friday was not so great, but I did get my license renewed so, Yea me! Oh, and last night really sucked...had to call the police on my neighbours AGAIN....my walls were vibrating their music was SO loud. After the police left, the neighbours got REALLY childish and spent the next two hours stomping just as loudly as they could all across the apartment, I swear I thought that the ceiling was going to cave in and they were going to end up in my apartment. They really need to GROW UP!).

ANWAY! Yesterday I spent a delightful interlude with two dear friends for lunch and a movie. (It was an early birthday gift from them. *grins*) We saw "Music and Lyrics", it was too cute. I enjoyed it immensely! I now have to purchase the soundtrack as I have a couple of the songs dancing in my head all the time! *LOL* I love my friends and am so grateful to have had that precious time with them.

*Drumroll please!* I made my weight loss goal for my birthday day two days early and actually exceed the loss by 1.5 pounds! Again... YEA me! My next goal will have me at 30 pounds gone and I can't wait. *does the happy dance* I have never in my life been so jazzed about a lifestyle change...and it is a lifestyle change. Now when I go to the store I bypass the sodas(Been almost two months without a soda! hehehe)...I reach for fruits and veggies and I use smart balance instead of butter. I'm eating whole grain bread , whole wheat pasta and  I eat a lot of chicken...I'm dancing everyday...will one day soon perhaps join a gym. Of course I can't see any changes, but I feel so much better and my clothes are beginning to fit a wee bit more loosely.

I have not felt this good in such a long time, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I am disgustingly cheerful...I am slowly weeding out the negativity in my thoughts and in my life and that has included gently letting go of the negative people in my life. I am determined to surround myself with positive, upbeat people . Even more than I used to, I am finding joy in the everyday and it is such a miraculous blessing. I have started attending the church of Religious Science and just going makes me so happy and bubbly! They teach what I have always known(but never really had success with), which is I can do, have and be anything I put my MIND to Doing, Having and Being! It is such a joy*full experience and I look forward to going again next weekend.

For now, I think I am going to go work on my vision board. I bought a large cork board to today. I have posterboard, paints, stencils and pictures. I will make a board that will have all my wishes on it...the things I want to manifest in my life. *GRINS* It's "The Secret!"  I know I can so it. NOW....TODAY! Baby steps.....baby steps...towards a brighter lovely, love*filled life. A life which is good and happy and loving now! 

Brightest Blessings,
Ame

The real momentof success is not the moment apparent to the crowd.  (George Bernard Shaw)

I posted a comment on another Sparker’s blog this morning (Spark People is the support site I live at now! *LOL*) regarding exercise and what I do to get my daily exercise in and I felt the urge to blog about it myself here. It is for me, right now, the single most important facet of my lifestyle change. I used to HATE to exercise. Period…end of story. I knew that it was a key ingredient in the whole lifestyle change and I just couldn’t get my brain to wrap itself around the concept and embrace it. I mean really, a woman of my size out in public, going to the gym with all those size two little things and making a fool out of my self. I so don’t think so!

Then I had a sort of epiphany (although deep down I had known it all along…go fig) Movement of ANY kind is exercise. Walking at the park, feeding the ducks. Walking to work everyday…walking AROUND work everyday in the course of my duties (I usually put in, at the very least, two miles a day running around after my doctors. I wonder if that really counts towards exercise?). But most of all, I discovered that what I love to do most is considered exercise. I love to dance. I dance at work (even if it is in my chair, and especially when I am all alone in my little room when my workmate leaves for the day), when I am at my Renaissance Faires, you can catch me dancing surreptitiously when the drums begin or we are in the vicinity of the belly dancers. When I go to my Christmas party or to other parties I frequent with a group of some of my online friends, I can dance the night away. Last August, a friend and I actually closed down a party, we danced to everything, including the twist! He was kind enough to give me a massage afterwards as my body was ready to rebel and thought I was going to fall down from sheer exhaustion

Yes, I ADORE dancing and it occurred to me as I began contemplating and planning this lifestyle change toward the end of last year, that this is what I could do for exercise. I can do it in the privacy of my own home. I can be just wild and uninhibited as I wish! *Smiles* It can be sensuous, as I explore my body and it’s reactions to the moves I make, it can be exhilarating, it can be so very exciting as I am able to bend, stretch and twist farther as I get more fit, and it can be exhausting, but it always feels GOOD! It is what helps keep me motivated.

I have several songs that I love, and when they come on, I just HAVE to move. So, I put them in a few different dance mixes that now are 45 minutes long and just boogie away. (I started out at 20 minutes sets, then went to 30 minutes and now here I am) I have two songs that inspire me every time I hear them and they are in every mix. Gloria Estefan's "Get on your feet" which for me is so apropos, and Sugarland's "Something More." When I dance, I twist, turn, stretch, and shake my hips as if there is no tomorrow. It gets my blood flowing, my heart pumping and it ALWAYS puts me in a positive frame of mind.

As I become surer of myself, more in tune with myself, as I grow to love myself more and as I grow to care less what other people think, I will venture forth to the gym. Those size two little things have nothing on me! *grins* I am a strong, vibrant, healthy, loving, succulent woman and the world is mine!

Brightest Blessings,
Ame

"I'm no longer afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my own ship." Louisa May Alcott

I have been so focused on my Health goal, the time is just flying by at an incredible pace! I have lost another 3 pounds, which means I may meet my birthday goal of 15 pounds gone! I feel great and people are starting to notice I am losing a wee bit of weight. That just tickles me to death! I have danced every day except for 4 days when I was out of town, and the difference in my overall sense of well being is fantastic.

I have lost enough weight that I can buy off the rack at Wal-Mart. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I bought a blouse for $12.98 at Wal-Mart that would have cost me $50.00( or more) at the store I normally have to go to for clothes. I actually could afford three new blouses for my weekend in California! I very rarely buy myself new clothes because they are so bloody expensive! Huzzah for me!! *LOL*

While I am thrilled with how well I am progressing with my health goal, I have been so very tightly focused on it that I have been neglecting my other two goals. Actually, my financial work is easing forward and I really have no complaints on that score. However, my focus has totally been off my spiritual goal and I REALLY need to rearrange my schedule/ time so that I can devote a couple of hours a day at least to what I promised myself I would do to help myself develop spiritually.

Despite my inattentiveness, The Goddess has been watching out for me! Even though I have not devoted as much time as I feel I should in developing my relationship with her, I am always so grateful for all the blessings in my life! I know without a shadow of a doubt that her hand is in all I now am and am working on becoming this year. She continues to surprise and delight me with her presence in my life.

So starting this weekend, I am going to set aside 30 minutes a day to read, study, meditate, and talk with the Goddess. I have learned through my experiences with my health goals, that baby steps are much more effective and more likely to be followed than setting huge tasks for myself and letting myself down. I will work up to a couple of hours as I ease the 30minutes a day into being as natural as breathing.

On my SP site, I have a personal page and I have written a pledge to myself on that page, that covers all my goals:

I, AmethystStar Pledge to do my best to work towards successfully meeting my goals this year.

I pledge to be kind to myself, to love, and encourage myself. To have a sense of humour and to pick myself up when I fall, without castigating, berating, or hating myself.

I pledge to surround myself with people who are positive and upbeat; who will love me and encourage me. I will be there for them as well, to love, encourage and cheer them on as they strive to meet their own goals.

I pledge to set mini goals for myself so that I am not overwhelmed, and I will celebrate every success and learn from ever mis-step.

I will find the joy in every day! I will go through my day with an attitude of gratitude for ALL that the blessings that I have in my life.

I move forward. I am going to work on a Vision Board for myself. On it I will place pictures, words and ideas of the things that I want in my life. I will concentrate on it each day, to draw the positive into my life. (One would think I had taken the opportunity to watch "The Secret." One would be right! *grinssss*)

I went to the library today and checked out some marvelous books to explore. Being Saturday night, my Brit coms are on PBS and I have a novel to finish in a trilogy written by Nora Roberts. It is wonderful and I will HAVE to buy it when I can.

Now it is time to think about supper and see who of my firends are online to chat with tonight. I have my live 365 radio on listening to the oh so relaxing New age station Gentle sounds and I am in such a blissful place.

Bright Blessings on this beautiful Saturday evening and be sure to do at least one thing that brings you joy this weekend.
Ame

"When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen to you: either there will be something solid for you to stand on, or, you will be taught how to fly." (Patrick Overton)

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth! I rather liken myself to the Hermit in the Tarot. On a journey of  self discovery, secluding myself (to an extent) to find my center and search out my truth. 

I can't believe we are more than halfway through this month already! I know it has been a while since I last posted. I had a rough Holiday season, beginning with Thanksgiving and it was with a huge sigh of relief that I welcomed the New Year. I set 3 goals for myself for this year and I have been diligently working on them since I rang in the year. (which is why I have not been online much lately)

My first goal was to delve deeper into and become much more connected  with myself and my spirituality. My spirit has been calling out to me to nurture it and I have (finally) heeded the call. I am so much more centered and grounded since I began. I am much more in touch with who I am now, and who I am becoming, and much to my surprise and delight...I love both! In encourgaing my spirtitual self, I am able to work more diligently on my other two goals, because my base is solid, if that makes any sense at all. I couldn't even begin to focus on anything else if I didn't have my faith to see me through everything.

My second goal is to get healthier. I am pretty healthy already, but I know it can get better. As a result of working on my health, my weight is dropping! While I have set mini goals for myself, my over all goal is to feel great and be able to do the things I want to do without get fatigued. A dear friend introduced me this WONDERFUL site that is is a free diet support site with all the great amenities (and more) of pay sites such as Weight Watchers or E-diets. I joined last Sunday and have a marvelous time on this oh so motivational site. I had lost 5 pounds priot to starting the site, and when I weighed in today, I lost another 5 pounds! I have never been so excited about losing weight before, nor so motivated. My head is finally in the right place and what a difference it makes. I dance 30 minutes almost everyday now, I am eating so healthily and I feel so good!

My last goal is to get more financially secure. I am working on seeting up a plan for myself and while I have been making progress, I still have a long ways to go.

I am happy, healthy and loving life. This is going to be a great year. I can feel it in my heart and soul. Bright Blessings on 2007...it is going to be a wonderful year!

Have a wonderful weekend and don't forget to do at least one thing this weekend that brings you joy!

Bright blessings,
Ame

"Choosing Succulence is a deliberate act of personal revolution. It means waking up! Embracing your true self, studying your patterns and letting out your most alive self . We all have one!
(SARK~ Succulent Wild Woman)

"Our mental attitude is the X factor that determines our fate."
Dale Carnegie

What an absolutely beautiful evening. The darkness attempts to embrace me as I enjoy the flickering of the candles around my sanctuary. All my water fountains calm me with the soothing cadence of the water over the rocks. I am listening to this wonderful station on Live365 called Gentle Sounds~New Age which perfectly complements the calm, joy*full and peace*full aura that surrounds me this evening.

I know not why I have been blessed with this glowing, deep-seated, joyous feeling over the past four days, but I am grateful to the very center of my being for this blessing. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. It has been quite mundane as a matter of fact, with the exception of spending some time with my ent. Indeed, given a couple of circumstances in my life at the moment, one might think I would be hanging by a slender, pure silver, slightly frazzled, ethereal thread and by virtue of that fact would be worried and frantic. Much to my delight, I am not!

I choose not too look to closely at this wondrous state of serenity and joy. I embrace it, accept it, revel in it, and thank the Lord and Lady for it from the very core of my heart. I have always tried to find little pockets of joy in everyday. I look at it as a treasure hunt, and I am never disappointed (even if I only find one little pocket). However, never has it just burst over me like a fresh spring shower, quenching me down to the deepest part of my soul. It is an amazing gift.

My heart is so full of gratitude and joy; it can hardly be contained. When I remember to write in it, I do have a gratitude journal. I had no choice but to write in it this morning! The first thing on my list was being grateful for my wonderful, ordinary life. Pure and simple. The abundance I have in my life, which has nothing whatsoever to do with money. The difficult times in my life which makes times like this so much richer and deeply joy*full. My home, my family, my ent, my job, my dear friends, autumn…the approaching holidays…so, so many things!

My ent came to visit me on Halloween, stayed for not quite two weeks, then flew to Hawaii and his new home for the next three years. It is always a joy to have him stay with me. He warms my heart and makes me feel loved, accepted and cherished. I am grateful I have such a dear, precious friend that loves me for who and what I am. I was on vacation last week to spend time with him and his visit came to an end all too quickly.

Friday was a very lazy day. I indulged myself with watching a few of the old soaps I used to watch. *grins* I am pleased to say that I was able to not succumb to the temptation of getting involved with them again (especially in light of the fact that they have apparently brought back some popular couples from when I used to be caught up in the soaps.) Yea me! *LOL* I puttered about my sanctuary enjoying the fresh fragrant breeze that teased me through my open windows as I worked. I revelled in the cool weather. I LOVE autumn; which may be a wee part of the reason why I am so alive and jazzed at this time). I suddenly found ideas forming and floating around my head about possibly rearranging my small living room, but put them to bed as it was late and I was pleasantly tired.

Saturday night I had a lovely dinner with some girlfriends, to celebrate one of their birthdays. I am afraid I have rather become a hermit in the last few months for assorted reasons, so it is so wonderful to go out and socialize with friends. It was heartwarming and soul satisfying. I returned home in time to settle down all comfy on my couch for my weekly dose of Brit Coms on my PBS station. My three favourites are “As Time Goes By,” “The Vicar of Dibley” and “Keeping up Appearances.”

Sunday began with my weekly laundry (Oh, I do love the smell of freshly washed clothes! I love to hold freshly dried towels to my face and just inhale. *grins*) I settled down after lunch to watch the latest “Harry Potter” movie again and fell asleep not quite half way through it. Which is not to say it was a boring movie; it is quite thrilling actually and I loved it! I apparently was just strongly in need of a nap! It was a loverly nap for a Sunday afternoon. It took me a while to wake up, but as I was re-entering consciousness, the ideas from Friday night once more took flight in my brain and I knew I had to attempt to do something different to my little abode.

After careful consideration, I began my task about 6:00 pm. It was soon apparent that what I had in mind would NOT work, but decided to think outside the box and much to my amazement and delight, I ended up with a living room I am most comfortable in and at the risk of repeating myself, take a great delight in occupying. I finished about 10:00 and sat on my couch basking in the new feeling of contentment and joy in my small but oh so warm and welcoming living space.

I took a long hot shower and climbed into my wonderful and welcoming bed with soft, clean, fragrant sheets. I talked for a time with my ent, then snuggled down for good read. I had a difficult time falling asleep, as my right leg was restless and wouldn’t settle down. I found myself having to keep it moving and it was most distracting! I finally found a position that seemed to help and finally fell asleep.

What an absolutely wonderful day I had today! I got up a half hour earlier than I normally do...in fact I am going to work on getting up an hour earlier or more, so that perhaps I can begin to practice meditation and work on my spiritual self. I have been sorely neglecting my spiritual life and one of the lovely results of this deep wondrous feeling is to focus on my inner life as much as I do my outer life. In any event, I had a leisurely breakfast, perused Beliefnet .com and found some wonderful articles to set me on my path of learning and growing. Got dressed and had all my things gathered with time to spare.

It was my first day back to work and I couldn’t wait to get there. I was in this totally awesome place and knew that no matter what I might face at work, I would handle it with a smile. I learned a long time ago that Mondays are all about the attitude with which you begin the day. I fall victim often times to allowing other people’s attitudes colour my own and that attitude ruins the day be it Monday or Friday! With one small exception, this day rocked! I was busy, but in control. I was cheerful and upbeat and it showed in utterly everything I did today.

Tonight I have spent reflecting on my day, journaling and giving thanks for everything in my life. Next on the agenda is a bite of dinner, some studying and meditation, my one show on Monday nights I have to watch (I am only human, you know) then bed, book and sleep. The perfect ending to an almost perfect day!

Love, Light, and Laughter,
Ame