Omigosh! 4 months...almost 5...yet again!  It has been an adventure. I hardly know where to begin...

Well, the beginning I suppose.  Last year was a rough year emotionally for me. Early in the year I began to withdraw.It got worse and worse to a point where I didn't care about
anything....at all. I had moments of okay....good things did happen to me last year for which I am eternally grateful. I also learned I'm a better actress than I thought. *sighs*...but I felt as if I was drowning. From spending 5 hours a night on the computer, I
went to just checking email...I stopped chatting at work *GASP* and
became very antisocial. I never left the apartment except to go to
work. I was sad and hated myself...for absoultely no reason that I
could fathom. I finally went to the doctor in December at the urging of my boss,who
thought I was perimenopausal. After running all sorts of tests, I was diagnosed with depression of
all things.(Apparently my brain is not making enough seratonin anymore hence my
year long funk). He put me on lexapro.I didn't realize how bad it was until I started to feel better and
people were to welcoming me back, hugging me and just had looks of utter relief.(I love my friends). *LOL* People knew something was wrong
a lot sooner then I did. So that explains my extremely anti-social
behavior of the last several months. Now at  long last I am  back to my relatively normal,
cheerful, sassy, occasionally naughty, rambling self.

I had a wonderful Christmas with my sister and her family. They took me for my first visit to the Hotel Del Coronado
and it was just beautiful. I can see why my sister and my niece are so
enchanted by it. I spent Christmas eve some of my spanking family. I had a blast! Kathy spent the entire day
trying to get me in trouble with Floyd. Oh my goodness, it felt so good
to laugh so hysterically. I finally did get in trouble though...for NOT
getting in trouble. *ROFL*  I did redeem myself however, as I stuck my
tongue out at Kathy as we passed by...of course she promptly tattled on
me! It was a wonderful vacation and the best Christmas I have had in
over 8 years.

January 17, I slipped and fell on a patch
of black ice and messed up my leg very badly.(Yes we do get ice on odd occasions in Vegas). One day the nurses and my Chief Nuc Med tech were looking at my leg,
and Jimmy( The nuc med tech) suddenly went all Toppie on me. *giggles*
He lectured me about not going to the doctor sooner and made me promise
I would go to the doctor that day. He even had me "Yes sirring" him. I
suppose one could say I am just a wee bit stubborn(But you didn't hear
it from me!) I know I will hear about this from my REAL Toppie friends
when next I see them . I ended up at the doctor's and found out I had
cellulitis which is just nasty. I was put on antibiotics and have
only one sore that is refusing to heal, but that should resolve itself
soon. I declared that this is as bad as this year is going to be and it
can only get better from here. So there!

As a result of my enforced down time due to my leg, and my feeling ever so much better with the medication, I have spent a large amount of time lately in deep contemplation and doing a lot of soul searching. So much good has come of it. I am feeling very centered, very grounded and very happy.

Let's see what else...Oh! My dark Celt is back in my life. I had  been afraid I would never see him again, so imagine my surprise when he contacted me on December 18th! I was so relieved to hear his voice on my voice mail, I absolutely lost it. Cried for about a half hour in sheer relief and joy. I was so afraid he was going to harm himself after he disappeared.  In any event, I had a date with one of my favorite people in the whole
entire world. He is the one Bad Boy in my life and I absolutely adore
him(even knowing I couldn't possibly live with him, cause I would
eventually want to do him harm! *LOL*)

I had not seen him in
a year and a half. I was all sorts of twitterpated. I did all the typical girl things to get ready! *LOL* Hair, nails...even my toes!It wouldn't have mattered though, if I had done none of those things. We had the most wonderful time. He took me out to dinner and to see
Cirque de Soliel's Love. The absolute best part of our date though, was
all the talking we did. I understand him so much better now and love
him even more dearly. I felt so much closer to him and am so grateful
he trusted me enough to open up to me. He is doing so very much better
now. He is so happy in his new home. I can't wait to visit him. I have
never been to New Orleans. He lives right in the middle of the French
Quarter. Actually, he is one
of the items I have been pondering and working on... lo these many
weeks. It a very long story, but suffice it to say I was in love with
him at one time...I will always love him, but he will only ever be a
dear friend.

I
have also been contemplating a new real relationship, which will, I am
sure, involve my moving to Pensacola. He started out as a good friend I
have known for two years, but over the last year we have become closer.
Yes, I have met him in person a few times(I met him through
a...erm...spanking group...*Grins*). He is exactly what I have been
waiting for all my life, and it took me a year to realize it. We are
moving slowly which is perfectly all right with me.

I had gained 14 pounds during the winter.We started  "Biggest Loser" competition at work on March 3rd.  I have lost 9 pounds in 4 weeks and am almost back down to where I was before I got sick and then fell. Yea me! 10 more pounds and I will be 299...for the first time in I can't even tell you how long! This tells you how far I have come...there was a time when NO ONE knew how much I weighed. My mama died never knowing my weight. But I have discovered that it is just a number. I love who I am, right now. The important thing is to continue to get healthier. The weight loss is just gravy.(Although I admit....I am jazzed about my goal)

Which pretty much brings us to today. Which is pretty cool. Life is
good...I am good....and there is a lot of promise in the future.

I 
am sorry I have missed so very much here at home. I have missed you all
so much...but I am just caught up in all of this and it seems to be
demanding a lot of my attention. I will try to peek in more often
and hopefully whatever is going on in my subconscious will resolve
itself soon!
 

Love, Light, and Laughter!
Ame

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

3.5 pounds down this week! Yea Me! Despite the stress and self doubt I
have been experiencing over the past few weeks, I managed to get
focused again. New mini-baby goal...hit my first main goal by my Christmas party on
December 15th.


I have danced around it for months...sneaking up
within 2 pounds of it, then with a teasing laugh, backing away by just
a few pounds. I'm tired of this particular dance.....time for a new
Dance, with new Steps.

It is a beautiful day here in Sin City. We are finally below 85 degrees. May I just say that there is something inherently wrong with 85 degree  weather in November? Oh wait...did I already vent about this? *LOL* Prolly so! In any event,it is only supposed to be about 73 degrees today with chance of showers this afternoon. Cool beans! *does happy dance*

I have been working on my vision board this week. I still feel as if I need to add a couple of things to it, but it is going to be a marvelous map for what I want, deserve, and WILL have in my life very soon! 

I have also started baby stepping with meditation. It has always been so difficult for me, but with the stress of the last few weeks, I need something I can do to ground and center myself. I found a meditation on meeting Brigit at her Forge on Beliefnet.com. I like it, and it is a good place for me to begin.

Well I need to go put my laundry away. I do love the smell and feel of warm,freshly washed/dried clothes and towels. *sighs happily. It is the little things, yanno?

Brightest Blessings,
Amethyst

Hmmm...November
already! Why is it that the summer takes a year to get through, but my
favourite time of year flies by faster than the speed of light? Grrrrrrr

Overall...Life is good, speedbumps not withstanding. *Smiles* I am happy.

Until next time...*hugs and snugs*

Love, Light, and Laughter,
ame

Eek! It has been a
while! Where does the time go? Hmmm where to start? Oh Yes, the convention!

I had an absolute ball at the convention. I ran into two long lost friends; one
I have not seen in seven years and one I see usually about once a year at fair.
I had the opportunity to see several of my favorite actors, which was truly
amazing. My very favorite was Kate Mulgrew. I love listening to her speak. She
is articulate, opinionated, funny, strong, and caring. I could listen to her
for hours. I also adore Nana Visitor. Quite the nicest actor I have ever had
the pleasure of meeting. She is so warm and friendly and really interested in
her fans.

I have had the pleasure and privilege of meeting several ST actors when I used
to work the cons. Most were so charming and friendly, but there were a couple I
could not abide. I am a fan, but not a fanatic. I rarely get autographs (I am
always so tongue tied and fear coming across as really stupid). Anyway, I had a grand time and am very happy I decided to attend.

Let's see, the next big thing was the Shadow Lane party, Labor weekend. Okay,
for those who don’t know and I have never told…I am dyed- i n-the-wool~ spanking
enthusiast and darned proud of it. It took me my whole adult life to
finally admit this out loud to myself, let alone to anyone else...which I did 5
years ago. I love to be spanked, pure and simple. It has nothing to do with
humiliation and everything to do with who I am. It relaxes me, it helps me
de-stress, it brings my spanking partners and I closer together. It can be fun,
it can be invigorating, it can help me sleep, it helps me focus and put things
in perspective. It fulfills needs in me I never guessed at. It is a life long
desire, need and near obsession, I have had since I was a very little girl. It
is a wonderfully intimate, wonderfully special way to spend time with
wonderfully special people in my life. I am whole now that I have admitted this
to myself and happier than I have ever been in my life. It is as much a part of
who I am as is my love and need of Faire, my love and need of family and
friends. Like faire, since I “came out” about this, I LIKE myself, I love who I
am and who I am becoming.

 That being said,
Shadow Lane is a spanking group. A BIG spanking group that hosts parties once
or twice a year here in Vegas.  I had
THE most marvelous time. My friend David flew in Thursday. I played from the
time David and I arrived at the hotel on Thursday afternoon clear through
Sunday afternoon. I actually had to turn down one of my favorite people Sunday
night, cause I had reached my limit. (Of course, he WOULD ask on the last night
of the party, silly man!)

I made new friendships and renewed old ones. I had five play partners all told;
four of them were for the first time. Of those four, I was already friends with
two, one I knew of but hadn’t had a chance to talk with and one was a brand new
friend. My friend David acted as my escort and we played several times over the
course of the party, starting with our arrival at the hotel. *Smiles*

I had the privilege of playing with one of my best friend's fiancé. They asked
me to be maid of honor when they get married next year!  We didn't get to play last year cause they were
there for such a short time. I loved playing with John. Kat and I ended getting
spanked together by him as well as playing together the next day, with John and
I on one bed and Kat and David on the other. BIG step for me! I don't play in
public, but this was a big baby step for me as I trust all three of them
implicitly. (All right, for those of you who may be wondering, when I say play
it is purely spanking.)

I played with another's friends Top and I'm not sure I will play with him
again. He is used to playing with her and she is a self proclaimed masochist.
The harder she is spanked, the longer she can go. He didn't really hurt me, but
he didn't listen to me either. (He used way more wood than I cared for after I
told him I don't much care for wood). He is a wonderfully nice man, don't get
me wrong and we have started to build a friendship, but if I am to ever play
with him again, we'll need to talk A LOT first! *chuckles*

I met a new gentleman who is a Dom and who is local(Be still my heart) and had a
wonderful time with him. We talked a lot before we played and I really enjoyed
our time together. I told him he may change how I feel about Doms if this is
really how he is in real life.(I have had some horrendous experiences with self
proclaimed Doms and Dom wannabes. Pretty much turned me off to even thinking
about a D/s relationship). Anyway, we have exchanged emails and I do believe we
are meeting next Saturday.

I may or may not have mentioned my Uncle Devlin. Well, two of my friends are
his "daughters" like I am his "niece,” which makes them my
"cousins." Well, my one cuz, who is fairly newly married, introduced
me to her husband and let him know that I am part of the
"family" and he promptly took me to their room and
"welcomed" me to the family. *Grins* I loved playing with him as
well, and we had a lot to talk about as they live not too far from where I grew
up.

The party proper was really good. They had the vendor's fair Friday night and I
bought a new strap, like the one my friend Bryan has and leaves here so he HAS
to come and visit me! *giggles* Mine is a wee bit longer and a lovely shade of
burgundy. It needs to be broken in though. It is rather stiff, not like Bryan’s
that is all soft and supple and yummy. Yes, I am definitely a fan of leather.
*sighs*

Erm, yes…anyway…Saturday night was the
dinner dance and it was very nice with everyone all dressed up and
glitzy. I danced a couple of times, but mostly enjoyed catching up with
friends. There were several suite parties but I don't handle those well. Too
many people, not enough room...too much noise...I had two panic attacks, one
major and one very minor, but survived them both.

On Sunday, David
arranged a trip to Madame Tussuad's Wax Museum. (He works for the Madame
Tussuad's in New York so gets free tickets!) It was fantastic...I did the
typical tourist bit and had my picture taken with a few of my favourite actors.
(I wore a shirt that says "Bad is the New Good" whilst standing next
to Elizabeth Taylor who was in a stunning purple gown that I absolutely drooled
over...I am SUCH a girl! *sighs*) Normally I HATE having my picture taken...I
have no idea what came over me. **The roll of film that had 99% of the pictures I took at the museum as well as those taken of my friends and I did not turn out. *pouts* I am waiting for Kat/John and David to send me what they took.**

I took David to the Airport on Sunday night then went back to the hotel and
stayed with Kat and John in their room. They knew I didn't want to be alone.
They took me to dinner and I got tipsy on the best margarita I have ever had!
(Kat got tipsy too and John had his hands full with the two of us! *LOL*)

I got home Monday and promptly crashed...very hard. I had post party depression
for about a week, just like the post Faire depression I would get after the 7
weekend run of Corona Faire.

I can't believe it is over already and I need to start saving now for the next
one. *grins*

 Now my focus is my
Faire in October. FINALLY! One whole awful year with out faire! I had a great
reason, mind you and I am looking so forward to seeing all my faire family. I
have two of my faire family coming to stay with me during the faire, so I am
really jazzed about that! I need new garb! Yea me!

 Well, I need to
get back to cleaning. *Sighs* Have a great rest of the weekend!

*hugs and snugs*

Love, Light and
Laughter,
Ame

It
has been a fabulous week! Two of my very favourite people are here for
the Star Trek convention. I adore Diana and Garrek, faire family and
fellow trekkies. I have not seen them in year and they are such a joy
to be with.

They
took me to this really, totally awesome restaurant called Swish Shabu
Shabu. It was a culinary adventure for me...truly a first. It is this
Japanese place where you cook your own food in little pans of boiling
water
right in front of you. You have two sauces, a plate of veggies and
tofu, some noodles and a bowl of rice. We had the the prime rib-eye and
a side of seafood. All sliced and cut into small bite sized pieces. You
put the food in the boiling water for a minute or two and then use the
sauces to add a little more flavor. If you add the onions and carrots and green onions first, it flavors the water like broth.

I
have to admit, I had my doubts when she told me about this place, but I
jumped right in, even down to only using chopsticks. (I made a mess but
had the time of my life!) I tried Plum wine for the first time and this
little itty bitty ice cream ball wrapped in some kind of dough, I
forget what it was called... moshi...I think... it was so tasty. I even
ate a piece salmon, a scallop, and a piece of halibut. (I do NOT do sea
food as a rule). Oh, and we had edamame as well, YUM!

I
have decided I am going to the convention on Saturday. My favorite
people will be there ...and a few of my favorite stars as well. *grins*
I have not been to a convention in about 3...maybe 4 years. I need to
go and have some FUN! Boy do I deserve it! *grins*

Love, Light, and Laughter,
Ame

On a whim, I started looking for a skirt I made about 20 years ago, I
didn't find it but I did come across some scrub tops I ordered before I
was married and were just this much too small, tee shirts I have
accrued over the years in 2x's and a couple of outfits that were too
small when I bought them(from a catalog)...



THEY ALL FIT! The scrub tops are now TOO big...I have a Hard rock tee
shirt that fits beautifully now...and a skirt and top that I bought
back in 1987 that was a size 24 and I couldn't fit into then...I can
get into now...It is doesn't fit quite right yet, but I could wear it
out and not be embarrassed.(It is a large 24) Holy crow! I was just
dumbfounded....there are a few other things I can get into and zip up
that are still a wee bit snug....but I could get them on and zipped!



I also found some material I forgot I had, I may have to make myself a
couple of new tops for the party over Labor day weekend.



This turned out to be a pretty good weekend after all....

Absolutely! Speaking  for myself...some of my very best friends have been and are men. There have been times in the past I was more comfortable with my men pals. I never understood people who dissed the idea.  *Shrugs*  Of course I was always considered the odd one in my family and circle of friends...*LOL*
   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Happy Monday! Wow, practically a month since I have been here. Not the best of Julys on record. In my last entry I wrote of all the bad things that have been happening to my friends. It continued through the month. With the help of a good friend I was able to work through a lot of the sadness that was dragging me down and I have been trying to learn how to be there for my friends without letting the sadness overwhelm me. I think I am doing a little better in that area.

I'm doing very well...I finally broke the plateau I was on and lost 3.5 pounds as of today! Yea me! Work is work...18 years there now..who'd have thought it? Not I!  No one special in my life, but aside from occasional twinges and longings I am okay with that. I know that if it is meant to be, it will happen. Patience is just not once of my strong points...mores the pity. *Sigh*

31 days, 7 hours and 15 minutes to the Shadow lane party....see...absolutely NO patience! *LOL* I get to see some of my favourite people and spend four wonderful days visiting and playing....and I will be probably about 40 pounds thinner than the last time they saw me...how cool is that?

Well, I suppose I ought to think about finishing getting ready for work. It's gonna be a great day!

Have a wonderful day today and be sure to do at least one nice thing for yourselves! *hugs and snugs*

Love, Light and Laughter,
Ame

This has been a very rough year for people that I love.
Too many people that I consider family have suffered excruciating
losses of one sort or another. These past few weeks have been the worst
and today I had a double whammy and there is nothing I can do. One of
my best friends lost her 16 year old son Tuesday night to the riptide
in Oregon. He was with friends, right in front of his house, playing in
the surf as I am sure they had done so often. One moment he was there,
the next dragged out to sea. They have given up the search to find him.

*hugsssssssss*
ame