November 4, 2012
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Musings for a Saturday
*Tried to post this yesterday, but my computer had other ideas!*
WARNING: This is a long one! *Smiles*
Yesterday I showed an old work friend a picture I took of her and her department back in 2000. This lead to a rather introspective discussion as she asked me if I would change anything in my life, knowing what I know now. My answer to her leads me to the first thing on my gratitude list.
I thought for just a moment and then shook my head. I would not change a thing. I know that my marriage to Michael and my divorce from him as well, were gifts. As was my cancer and everything that has happened to me in the past 17 years, even my struggle to lose weight. I am today the result of all I have been through. I am where I am today for the same reason.
1995 is the year it all began for me. I was a quiet, intensely shy, mousy, stay at home dreamer. I can pinpoint the exact moment my metamorphosis began. From that moment on, the journey to who I am becoming was set in motion. I love who I am today and who I am becoming. I am still on that journey and I would not change anything that has happened.
2. I am grateful for the lessons as I learn to meditate. It is an ongoing struggle for me to quiet my ever racing mind, and there are times I despair of ever gaining the inner peace I know is there. That being said, I have found that there are lessons to be learned from my racing thoughts. I look forward to the sudden bursts of insights as my mind runs thoughts over and over and I gently(and not so gently) try to guide them to a box to rest, as I continue to focus on my breath or a word. I’m good with this! *LOL*
3. I am thankful that after much ruminating and softly stressing, I have been made aware that (for now anyway) I am to stay in Las Vegas. For years I have grown tired of the high desert; I am a born water baby!(I am a double water sign!) How I have lasted 25 years in the high desert is beyond my ken) I have yearned to live somewhere that has four seasons, is GREEN, and gets rain! I have always thought I would move to the Seattle area. I have friends in Oregon and Washington so I was very comfortable with the idea of starting over.
However, I never had that epiphany of “Move here, move here!” like I did when I came to Vegas. I KNEW I was supposed to be here and I believed that my marriage and divorce were what I had to experience. However, no matter how dissatisfied I grew here, things never fell into place for me to jump into a major move.
During my recovery, I was transferred to the admin building of my company. Normally I embrace change…I am (or was) a born adventurer. As a result of my cancer and recovery, my tolerance for change was nil. I did NOT want to work at this office with my new boss, I did NOT want to move to this side of town! However, being who I am, I did as I was told and here I am.
While I was not thrilled with my new boss and position, I found that I fell in love with this side of town. The longer I am here the more I love it and once I was transferred this past August to my new department I am finding I am happy! I have fallen in love with Vegas. I am much more aware of it’s beauty now and find peace here. As I have pondered a move to Washington since my move here, I have been gently made aware that I need to stay here for now. I am at peace with that. Now I can free myself up to experience the next leg of my journey without the stress! I look forward to it with all my heart.
So, onward and upward! Now that I have rambled on, it is time for me to get off my tush and get to some Fall cleaning!
Life is good!
Bright Blessings!