February 7, 2002
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Michael told me tonight he wants a divorce. While I am not surprised(Believe it or not!) The shock has set in and I am alternately in tears, and looking forward to my new life. I'm not angry...I'm not even particularly hurt...In being honest with myself I have to admit I have seen this coming for a while. What surprised me is that after he told me he didn't know why he married me, he said thought he married me for security. Apparently he hasn't been happy for the last two yeas or so and has been contemplating this for about six months.
I know I am not a failure...he just doesn't want to change, and I can't live with his drinking...this is for the best and I do understand that, but why do I feel so lost? I know I will go through the grieving process, I have helped other friends through divorce...I just didn't think that I would end up divorced 5 years after getting married. I know one thing for certain...I won't be doing this again...no more and never again.
I stand in need of Spirit...Goddess...tonight and I don't know where to find it...her...I know I'm not going to go through this alone, but right now I feel lonlier than I have ever felt. I don't feel sorry for myself...I don't want to stay in a relationship that is not healthy, but...
On the plus side, this is an exciting thing...I'm up for the change...or will be...but for tonight I think I'll go have a good cry so I can think more clearly tomorrow.
I love you all,
Amthyst
Comments (18)
Well, now I don't feel so guilty about my last posting to you. It is very difficult when partners go separate ways but it sounds pretty unreconcilable. He drinks and wants security -- got to find it inside himself and not inside a bottle. You are actively on a spiritual quest and need to be free to follow your path and husband is not very supportive for you. I am sorry. And it is an alone thing. No matter how much love and friendship you are given (it is very comforting of course) you are alone with your thoughts and feelings. However, since we are all connected by this tapestry of life and light, you are really not totally alone. My first marriage lasted about 5 years. We were on very different paths not long after we married. One of us had to be strong and break the mess up and it was me. I did it very bravely (I moved him out to learn to live his own life on his own -- at least from me). Of course, there was a little abuse and a grown man who was very co-dependent. I was young but knew the rest of my life was not going to be spent enabling him. So, I really and truly found him an apartment. divided the checking account up and moved him with happy smiles and obnoxious cheerfulness. Free to find my way in life (mostly alone) and after 28 years of marriage, I know it was the best and strongest thing I ever did. Unless you really love and respect the person you have married, life is very much a "downer". Have strength. We are all here for you. We are good listeners. May you Guardian Angel watch over and protect you and guide you with Love. Namaste. zera
My hand shall always be extended to thee...
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Sail on... sail on!!!
hang in there... you have my thoughts.
||dim||
Dread sent me but my words are sincere. I hope you find the smoothest path through this. From endings come new beginnings.. but you know this.. blessed be.
I hereby deny any knowledge of 'forwarding' any blogger to this site...
Hopefully it will get better. *hugs*
The cap'n sent me too. I believe prayers are little lights that shine up and are noticed by God. I'll send my light up for you.
dread sent me also, but I want you to know in the darkness you shall see the light the brightest. If you need someone to talk with I will be happy to listen. Strangers often are just friends we have yet to meet. I wish you well.
Did not, did not, DID NOT!!!...;}
i was NOT sent by dread (poor dread, everyones claiming he sent them. where could they possibly be getting that idea?)well, im 16, ive never been in a real relationship before, so i cant relate. but i wish u the best of luck in your life. divorce is an intricate and twisted and evil thing. but you'll make it through. he needed that security, that power he got from being united with you..that just goes to show how powerful you are. u can handle it alone.....i dont even know why im saying all this sypathetic stuff because u really dont need it. youve got a whole new life now...freedom. enjoy it, enjoy it like i know you will.
(((((AmethystStar)))))
Maybe meditation will help you get in touch with Spirit.
I hope your divorce isn't a messy one.
I hope that your divorce goes as well as a divorce can. Don't lose your hope or your spirit.
::offers a hug:: Much lies ahead of you...
Just for the record...Dread did not send me. ::ahem ahem::
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Once I get past the pain, I know this is for the best and my life will return back to normal...eventually. I appreciate your words and the emotion behind them. Amethyst
Apparently Dread has some influence ...
Divorce is difficult, no matter how cooperative the parties. Know that there will be a lot of stress coming, and no matter how hard either of you tries to be "fair" one or both of you will probably feel some resentment. My first husband smoked pot (with the children on his lap), drank, and did a couple other drugs "because everyone else at the party was." He avoided me because he knew I disapproved. I was "unsupportive" of him because I thought he needed to slow down, come home occasionally, and go to work more than one day a week. (He had a full-time job.) I put a lot of myself into trying to "fix" things. It was exhausting.
OK, enough about me ... I just want to say that I got through it, I was a much healthier person afterwards, and I'm sure you'll do at least as well as I have. Best of luck, my thoughts are with you.
Dread sent me also. He'll deny that to his watery grave.
It sounds to me, that if you are up to this challenge you are one that needs but a little time to find out it will be a better journey ahead.
Better 5 years than 20 or more.
I do hope you change your mind about this sort of commitment. There are many people out there suited to be a friend for life to you.
I'm late coming in here because I'm always too scared to drop by that dreaded pirates place. ; )
Take care:
Mitch
just because something is the right thing to do, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt....((((((((amethyststar))))))))
grieving is a part of the growth process, so go ahead and then move on, stronger and happier....but don't close doors on your heart.........just because this one didn't work out, doesn't mean they'll all end that way!
love and light to you....
{{{{
Hugs 
}}}}
I am too far behind on my reading, I see.
Love and hugs and much strength of spirit to you.
I just surfed over, and I hope you'll accept my belated condolences and complete sympathy and understanding.