I wrote this to a friend this morning...

I joke alot about not wanting to grow up and my fantasy world...I grew up a long time ago and I love my life, even with what I'm going through now (Soap opera and all)...I have life lessons to learn and everything I am going through right now and I mean everything, is all part of my education. Will I get hurt? Most assuredly...will it kill me...not at all...will I make mistakes...you can count on it! Will I learn from them...yep! I am very much in the here and now...I believe wholeheartedly in letting the little girl out to play as often as I can...she keeps me balanced.

Love, Light, and Laughter,
Amethyst

It was an interesting faire to say the very least. It was odd being Rogue-less. I didn't have a home port to hang with, although  a couple of my friends told me that whenever they are at faire and I am just there to play, not with my own guild, I can consider their booth home. So that was really nice.

The weather was gorgeous and I didn't want to come back to 95 degrees at 10:30 pm weather. It was wonderful being at a faire without Michael there to embarrass me! I saw most of the people I wanted to see and had an epiphany yesterday. I have fallen in love with someone I can never have. How stupid am I? However, I think I know why I fell for him...according to my best friend and I am inclined to agree with her,to a certain extent anyway...he's safe...I know nothing will ever come of it. And I know I because my heart is taken, I can't give it to anyone else, and therefore, can't get hurt again. I really didn't need this right now, but oh my...

Love, Light and Laughter,
Amethyst

Only one more day and then I fly (I already have my ticket...thank you very much!) to California for my Long Beach Faire!! Huzzah! I am not getting overly excited and putting my heart out this time...I can't take that kind of disappointment again. However...little butterflies in my middle and strains of "The loving time" wafting through my head lends me just a wee bit 'o excitment!

Love and Brightest of Blessings,
Amethyst

Without my friends, I would truly be lost. Thank you for being here for me. The words of encouragement mean more than  you'll ever know. Despite the pain, I continue to move forward...toward the light, and toward the love.

 As my darling sister reminded me...(my mama used to say)..."This too, shall pass"...it is so easy to get caught up in the pain, to become selfish and full of self pity. I truly am not that way and I shudder as I look back at entries. These are lessons I stand in need of, and as my friends have told me, these are just speedbumps in my life, reminding me to slow down...look around and appreciate the blessings in my life. Thankfully, the blessings far outweigh the bad things. I was also reminded that pain can prompt growth. So in the end it is all good.

I love you all, old friends and new...I'm glad you are part of my life and thank you all for the blessings you have brought to my life.

Love and Bright Blessings to you all,
Amethyst

michael fianlly brought me the papers to sign...i was devastated...everyone is going woohoo, go celebrate...what's to celebrate? As good as this will be for me, why does it hurt so much...i couldn't even look michael in the eye...it's hard to have a good cry at work...part of me wishes it was all a bad dream...part of wishes it was all over...part of me is dreading the time when it will be all over...i am a mass of contradictions...i am alone...

I realize now that my disappointment in missing this longed for weekend has been a catalyst for finally beginning to deal with the feelings I have put off working through for the last 6 months. I am in a dark place right now, but I know it is not a permanent place and there is light at the end of this struggle. Again, I know there will be good days and there will be bad days and the more I allow myself to work through the pain, disillusionment, anger and disbelief, the better I will be in the long run. A learning experience!

What I really want to do now is to build the walls high around my tender heart and psyche and just be content with my life as it is. Somehow, though, that is just not in my nature. I am one of those who always Stands within the Fire.

Amethyst

I know it sounds really petty, my being so upset about this lost weekend. My dearest friends and I have been planning for this weekend since May. We had so many plans... I WILL be going to Long Beach Faire...If I have to walk!

i'm home and i'm in tears and life sucks right now. the van broke down on the way and we had to turn around and come home. i just want tocurl up in a little ball and forget. but my heart hurts and i miss my friends and yes i'm a little on the whiny side.

Huzzah for Friday! I'm off today and will be leaving in a couple of hours for Big Bear! I am so jazzed. I feel like a little girl on Christmas Eve! All twitterpated and anxious and excited and having a tendency to ramble! I can't sit still, and my mind is going in a hundred different directions.

I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend. Please do something that makes you happy and content!! You all deserve it.

Since I won't be here until late Sunday Nite...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAREST DREAD
I hope in this new year  you are healthy, happy,  and you find your heart's desire. Love you!

Bright Blessings,
Amethyst