Michael told me tonight he wants a divorce. While I am not surprised(Believe it or not!) The shock has set in and I am alternately in tears, and looking forward to my new life. I'm not angry...I'm not even particularly hurt...In being honest with myself I have to admit I have seen this coming for a while. What surprised me is that after he told me he didn't know why he married me, he said thought he married me for security. Apparently he hasn't been happy for the last two yeas or so and has been contemplating this for about six months.

I know I am not a failure...he just doesn't want to change, and I can't live with his drinking...this is for the best and I do understand that, but why do I feel so lost? I know I will go through the grieving process, I have helped other friends through divorce...I just didn't think that I would end up divorced 5 years after getting married. I know one thing for certain...I won't be doing this again...no more and never again.

I stand in need of Spirit...Goddess...tonight and I don't know where to find it...her...I know I'm not going to go through this alone, but right now I feel lonlier than I have ever felt. I don't feel sorry for myself...I don't want to stay in a relationship that is not healthy, but...

On the plus side, this is an exciting thing...I'm up for the change...or will be...but for tonight I think I'll go have a good cry so I can think more clearly tomorrow.

I love you all,

Amthyst

Well, The wheel of the year continues to turn and today it was fully day light when I left work. Dusk nestled in as I pulled into my driveway at home.

I continue to work on my plans for my dedication on my day and am really excited about making the committment. A birthday is supposed to be day of power and I am truly hoping so. There is so much I have to learn and so much to look forward to this year.

While my spirituality is gaining momentum, my marriage is getting more and more difficult. I find it surprising while such an important part of my life is floundering, the other important part of my life is winging me forward on my path. I find it interesting, but don't dwell on it too much.

I am finding it harder to concentrate on mundane tasks as I ponder where my future lies, both marraige wise and spiritually. I am also finding myself falling into some apathy, there are times I don't want to do anything, but lose myself in television.(I guess it's like comfort food....Okay, it's escaping and  not having to deal with my reality while I'm visiting other worlds, especially those whose lives are so much worse than mine!) I really do know better, but some days it is so hard.

There is stormy weather ahead I am afraid, and I don't know how off course I will be blown. I hope I have the strength to do what must be done. I know that this too shall pass and there are lessons to be learned. I believe that Spirit (Goddes/universe) will see me through. But it is up to me!! I hope I recognize Spirit's influence and my own inner strength to push through to the other side...wherever that may be.

Hugz, warm fuzzies, and Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

Well, I have played my role for Super Bowl Sunday! I have spent the last 2  1/2 hours making my once a year, homemade from scratch, everything but the kitchen sink, cooks all day spaghetti sauce. (My husbands loves me!) So now, with the exception of keeping an eye on the sauce, I pretty much have the day to myself!

I bought a book on HTML and will spend the better part of the day learning and playing! But for now, I do believe a nap is in order!

Bright Blessings toall,

Amethyst

Oh my, I did have fun last night...and with not a drop of rum in me! Happy, Happy Friday to all! ! Here is to a great day and a wonderful Weekend!!! And Darling friends, do at least one thing this weekend that makes you truly happy!

Love and Bright Blessings,

Amethyst