A lifetime, But only after you are sure that it is truly dead! Having said that, I now contemplate; can a "dream" ever truly be DEAD?
Oh’ cursed perplexity!
Sail on... sail on!!!
Unfortunately, my dear captain, indeed it can. My breaking heart tells me so, each and every day.
Well, I wanted to say something inspirational here, but it's just not coming. I hope you find the strength to face this loss.
Tell me my lovely star... how can your dream truly die?
A dream can only die if you cease to believe in it.
amen sister rogue...
OOH, Cat answered that really well!
At the risk of sounding as if I'm wallowing in self-pity...(Only maybe justa wee bit), I have been coming to terms for a couple of years now, with the fact that I will never have the family I have longed for since I was old enough to want one. There was so much hope when I was married almost five years ago(I had never met anyone until my husband that I wanted to share myself with, he was my first in everyway)and we actually tried for the first year. But, I have discovered over the course of my marriage, that although my husband loves me very much, he is not a passionate man and we have relations very seldom. We almost adopted, but that was a disaster that left me bruised and broken for over a year. (She changed her mind a month before the baby was due, she decided she wanted to live on welfare!) He won't even consider adoption now.
I try to tell myself that it is okay, that I can be a great Auntie to my nieces and nephews, and I have become"auntie" to most of my friend's children. Then I see news stories about how women are making conscious decisions to NOT get pregnant until thier 30s, 40's or even 50's, because of careers or whatever and then there are these poor babies that are born then literally thrown away, or killed because they are not wanted, and I cry, silent tears, because there are so many people who for whatever reason can't have children, and these babies are lost for no reason other than selfishness. Even now I would love to get pregnant (I'm 42 1/2) but I want to be young enough to take care of them and play and love them. I cringe as I recall well meaning friends telling me when I was 22 and 23 that "I was still a baby yet, don't rush it!", when I would yearn for a family of my own. I am 99% certain it's not going to happen and usually I am okay, but I go through these bouts of sadness and anger as I rage at the universe for my deprivation. Yet, I have to believe there is a purpose for all of this. There has to be...I want my life to be worth something, I want to leave my world, the world, a better place than I found it...I want someone to remember me and our family, to carry our memories.
I am sorry. I have let it get the best of me, and I've dumped it here. But here is the only place I can put the hurt and disillusionment.
This won't last long...I am truly thankful for all the blessings in my life. I could be so worse off. I have my sisters and their families, I have my husband and I have my friends. I am blessed with more than so many people and I should settle for that.
Love and Brightest of Blessings,
Amethyst
My Dearest Star,
You are crew of Destiny's Quest. Ever notice that it can be found under “family issues”. Ironic no? Please know this my luv, her holds are deep enough to carry the baggage of one thousand times three the present crew. Fear not the Darkness, for you do have family. Me.
Dream on my Lovely star… Dream on!!!
My sweet friend I cannot truly say I know the pain you feel...the emptyness....but I lost my daughter to her father at 6 years old. It damn near killed me. I was unable to have any other children. I got one chance and that was it. I held the dream to get her back forever...I prayed to have a child in my life...I never gave up....and, as miracles happen..one day I somehow ended up with custody of my 3 week old grandson...who now is 13....raised by me!
Never give up the dream sister...never!! Love you!
Oh yes, and one more thing...keep talking..it helps we want to listen...and help by sending our loving thoughts to you
My dearest friends, thank you for listening to me vent and rant and rage(okay, what amounts for me as ranting and raving!) I really thought I had a handle on it...I was wrong. However, it will recede and I continue to look for purpose and fulfillment to fill the void.
Cap'n sir, ye are a dear man and I love ye for it (I can hear you humphing and mumbling in the background! Deal with it, sir! )
~*Roxy*~ I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, however the loss occured. Thank you for sharing, it does help! I love to hear the stories of your boy, he sounds like so much fun and the love you have for him is obvious in every word you write. Thank you, my new Sister for being part of my life and heart.
Comments (11)
A lifetime, But only after you are sure that it is truly dead! Having said that, I now contemplate; can a "dream" ever truly be DEAD?
Oh’ cursed perplexity!
Sail on... sail on!!!
Unfortunately, my dear captain, indeed it can. My breaking heart tells me so, each and every day.
Well, I wanted to say something inspirational here, but it's just not coming. I hope you find the strength to face this loss.
Tell me my lovely star... how can your dream truly die?
A dream can only die if you cease to believe in it.
amen sister rogue...
OOH, Cat answered that really well!
At the risk of sounding as if I'm wallowing in self-pity...(Only maybe justa wee bit), I have been coming to terms for a couple of years now, with the fact that I will never have the family I have longed for since I was old enough to want one. There was so much hope when I was married almost five years ago(I had never met anyone until my husband that I wanted to share myself with, he was my first in everyway)and we actually tried for the first year. But, I have discovered over the course of my marriage, that although my husband loves me very much, he is not a passionate man and we have relations very seldom. We almost adopted, but that was a disaster that left me bruised and broken for over a year. (She changed her mind a month before the baby was due, she decided she wanted to live on welfare!) He won't even consider adoption now.
I try to tell myself that it is okay, that I can be a great Auntie to my nieces and nephews, and I have become"auntie" to most of my friend's children. Then I see news stories about how women are making conscious decisions to NOT get pregnant until thier 30s, 40's or even 50's, because of careers or whatever and then there are these poor babies that are born then literally thrown away, or killed because they are not wanted, and I cry, silent tears, because there are so many people who for whatever reason can't have children, and these babies are lost for no reason other than selfishness. Even now I would love to get pregnant (I'm 42 1/2) but I want to be young enough to take care of them and play and love them. I cringe as I recall well meaning friends telling me when I was 22 and 23 that "I was still a baby yet, don't rush it!", when I would yearn for a family of my own. I am 99% certain it's not going to happen and usually I am okay, but I go through these bouts of sadness and anger as I rage at the universe for my deprivation. Yet, I have to believe there is a purpose for all of this. There has to be...I want my life to be worth something, I want to leave my world, the world, a better place than I found it...I want someone to remember me and our family, to carry our memories.
I am sorry. I have let it get the best of me, and I've dumped it here. But here is the only place I can put the hurt and disillusionment.
This won't last long...I am truly thankful for all the blessings in my life. I could be so worse off. I have my sisters and their families, I have my husband and I have my friends. I am blessed with more than so many people and I should settle for that.
Love and Brightest of Blessings,
Amethyst
My Dearest Star,
You are crew of Destiny's Quest. Ever notice that it can be found under “family issues”. Ironic no? Please know this my luv, her holds are deep enough to carry the baggage of one thousand times three the present crew. Fear not the Darkness, for you do have family. Me.
Dream on my Lovely star… Dream on!!!
My sweet friend I cannot truly say I know the pain you feel...the emptyness....but I lost my daughter to her father at 6 years old. It damn near killed me. I was unable to have any other children. I got one chance and that was it. I held the dream to get her back forever...I prayed to have a child in my life...I never gave up....and, as miracles happen..one day I somehow ended up with custody of my 3 week old grandson...who now is 13....raised by me!
Never give up the dream sister...never!!
Love you!
Oh yes, and one more thing...keep talking..it helps we want to listen...and help by sending our loving thoughts to you
My dearest friends, thank you for listening to me vent and rant and rage(okay, what amounts for me as ranting and raving!) I really thought I had a handle on it...I was wrong. However, it will recede and I continue to look for purpose and fulfillment to fill the void.
Cap'n sir, ye are a dear man and I love ye for it (I can hear you humphing and mumbling in the background! Deal with it, sir!
) 
~*Roxy*~ I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, however the loss occured. Thank you for sharing, it does help! I love to hear the stories of your boy, he sounds like so much fun and the love you have for him is obvious in every word you write. Thank you, my new Sister for being part of my life and heart.
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