November 13, 2002
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This is really bugging me. I was so looking forward to moving on with my life and the possibilities that were presenting themselves to me, but all I can do is grieve. And now I am having to deal with the physically being alone again, which I thought I had finally conquered. Before I met Michael and even after we were married, I treasured my alone time. I liked being alone with me and discovering who I am and I was fun to be with! Now the silence sometimes screams around me like a storm. Weekends especially are awful.
If Michael had filed while I was able to see my faire family, I would have had the physical as well as the emotional support I seem to be craving since Friday….I am a very touchy feely (For lack of a better term) person and there are times I ache just hold and to be held and physically connect with someone. I am ashamed to say it, but I have been a very spoiled little girl over the past few months. And now that Faire is over for the season, I am a very lonely little girl. I have been very pouty and temper tantrum-y lately.
So much has happened this year and I haven’t even begun to document it all. For the first time in my life, men are noticing me and flirting and playing with me and wanting to be with me. It has been a wonder to be to see the change in me as I am learning how to flirt and striving to keep the negative self image that Michael encouraged by his rejection, at bay. Michael never played with me at faire or at home. There is so much more to sex than I ever imagined! The nuances, the subtlety, the blatantness, the looks, the glances, the mysterious smiles, the hands (oh the lovely, warm hands…hands that like to explore…Amethyst purrs!)um…sorry…getting lost in loverly memories {Grins}
Amethyst
Comments (4)
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
Honey, I’d come give you lotsa hugs if I were nearby. I feel what you’re going through.
Just speaking those feelings out loud and acknowledging that you need a helping hand/friend is a very important step on the path to healing! I congratulate you on this step! Now, you have to spoil yourself. When none other will. We -=all=- need to be held, loved, carressed, etc from time to time my dear…and yes…there -=is=- a lot more to sex than many understand. ….but there’s more to love too. Make a list of priorities in your life…. then make another list of the priorities and qualities you want in your mate. This will get your mind working on the mindset of bringing forth from the universe what you desire/need. Be careful what you wish for…if you word it wrong, you may get it and decide it wasn’t worth that wait!
My heart goes out to you…and I hope for you that happiness fills the chambers of your heart again soon. None should suffer….we choose our mindframes, we choose our lessons….maybe it’s time to remember WHY you enjoyed being alone with yourself…perhaps that will make you better understand why you once again need to be alone with YOU!
Love to you My dear
MoonBeam65
Thank you from the bottom of my heart…I know I am not as alone it it sometimes feels aand for that I thank the Goddess evey day! Bright Blessings…Amethyst
I would like to say to you that healing takes time, even though it is something you wanted, it is a type of grieving and you must go through that first.. and as moonbean mentioned remember what you enjoyed about your alone times, and try to capture that all over again… and please by all means do not jump into the first arms stretched out to you… it is a mistake that I made and wish I hadn’t
Choose to be happy