June 8, 2008

  • Sunday morning rant

    In my last entry I wrote that I had had a rough month, both work wise and personally. I ranted on my work situation, but was not at a point that I could delve into my personal life. The hurt was too fresh.

    In an earlier post I excitedly mentioned that my dark celt was back in my life. *chuckles*  He is faire family, I have known for about 8 years. I wrote  all about him first back in 2002, after my ex and I separated and eventually divorced.  Let me preface this with a small disclaimer. I know this man has problems, I have seen him drunker than a skunk and knows he likes to get stoned. Most of the times we saw each other was at faire. Drunk I am used to to seeing him, I have never really seen him high(Unless he was drunk as well and then I would not have known the difference.)  As of this entry, I have spent three times alone with him  not at faire. *Smiles softly* I will say now he was the very first man who ever made me feel desirable and wanted.

    *shakes self*

    Anyway...I saw him in March and had a wonderful time. He called me the Wednesday after Memorial day, said he was coming to town and would love to see me. I was so excited! He called me Friday night when he got in, asked if I was free Saturday and could we get together? I said yes and he said he would call Saturday and we would do something fun.I stayed home all day Saturday, ready to go, not eating 'cause I had no idea what he had planned. I waited and waited, nothing.

    Finally at 6:30, knowing he wasn't going to call, I went and got a bite to eat. Much to my disgust and embarrassment, I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and  I ate a little more than I have eaten in a long while. Anyway, I finally get a call at 8:02 from him blithely apologizing for not calling, he and his friends had gotten busy. I was livid.  A simple call ANYTIME during the day saying, "yanno, we got caught up in stuff, could we make our visit for tomorrow?" would have been swell...*sighs* Then he says he and his friends were going to hang by the pool all day Sunday,  could I come at  7 and we'd have dinner? I said yes, then kicked myself after I hung up for not telling him exactly what I thought.(Color me wussy)

    So I got there Sunday night, and the man is stoned out of his mind. He said we would eat and then hang out and visit for a while in his room. He doesn't introduce me to his friends. He gets dressed, we go to dinner and I felt as if I was alone...he was obviously not himself...He was not all there with me. Halfway through dinner as he looks as if he is going to fall asleep any second, he says he needs to go upstairs and take a nap cause he and his friends are going to the visit the strip. All righty then. Having lost what little appetite I had, we finished dinner, said goodbye and he had the audacity to tell ME to keep in touch.(I leave voice mails and text messages usually once a week most of which he does not answer...I just didn't want to lose him again) Have I heard from him since he left? Of course not. Do I plan on contacting him anytime soon? No.

    I was devastated, hurt and angry. I felt lost. I see him so seldom, I felt cheated out of my time with him. It will be a long while before I see him again, longer now, as I don't know that I could go through this again. I love him...he is a dear friend,but I deserve, at the very least,  the tiniest bit of common courtesy. I felt as if I was with my ex again, it was a horrible feeling. It was a lesson learned, a difficult one at that. However, I have allowed myself to fret over it long enough and I am moving forward. Yea me?

    Brightest Blessings,
    Amethyst