May 4, 2006

  • Yesterday was…………better. I am still trying to think about what I did to make it better, but whatever it was she annoyed me a little less yesterday than she normally does. I made a point after I had finished the mail and before I left the little room where I process the mail, to envision myself surrounded by an egg shaped bubble, pearlescent, I envisioned this protective shield as able to block her {and other negative influences} from me. (I have done this before and it almost always seems to work! I just got to a point whilst I was not feeling well, where I did not’t do it and boy do I notice a difference when I don’t). I was able to ignore her for the most part and my attitude was much better yesterday(with a couple of small exceptions). It is something I will continue to do until I can figure out something else.


    It was a mixed day today. I did not feel well the first part of my day and I am thinking perhaps I need to see that specialist after all. I will give it the weekend and then see how I am feeling Monday. I tried really hard today, but I think perhaps because I was not feeling well, she got on my nerves even more than normal (If that is at ALL possible). After eating lunch I felt immeasurably better and the rest of the afternoon passed much more quickly and a wee bit more pleasantly than the morning and early afternoon did. ( I was running very late this morning and had donuts, juice and milk for breakfast. I did not’t start feeling better until I had some protein for lunch…a coincidence? I’m not sure, mayhaps so.)


    My favourite doctor gave me the cutest card today as well as the most beautiful gift, as a thank you for some work I did for him over the last couple of weeks. I actually cried. The gift is a hand woven wool and mohair throw in soft pinks and purples, from Ireland. {He knows it is my heart's dream to visit ...if not life in Ireland/Scotland}I was just stunned when I opened the gift and so much more than I ever expected let alone really deserve. I am always happy to help him! However, it is a nice change to be appreciated for helping instead of fussed at or worse yelled at for doing my job. He is such a joy to work with. This last project was a big project, but one I enjoyed and he did not have to do what he did, but I am tickled that he did I wish the other 15 doctors I deal with would understand that they would get a lot more our of me willingly if they smiled and said please and thank you. AND if they would not take it out on me when I give them something they DO NOT want to do… Like calling other doctors. We are a referral based radiology centra, which means that we essentially work for the doctors that refer their patients here for diagnostic testing. If there is a question on a report, they call to speak with the doctor that read that particular film. I, being the “Physician Liaison”, have the unfortunate position of connecting the outside doctors to my doctors. Unfortunately, my doctors HATE talking to other doctors(okay, not ALL my doctors, but better than half will fuss at me and sometime get downright nasty when I give them the report and phone number to return the call). (shrugs* Oh well, all in a days work I suppose. *smiles*


    On a a more personal note, My Ent and I continue to draw closer, day by day and it seems an eternity before I get to touch him again. *smiles* We talk every night and when he is late calling, I feel bereft. I don’t mean that because I’m a jealous or suspicious person; that is so not me…I know he has a life away from us as do I, and I encourage him to go out with his friends and attend parties, but our nightly calls have become so deeply-rooted in my bedtime ritual, that I can’t sleep until I hear his voice, even if only for just a few moments. I discovered that he feels as I do, when on Monday night he called me after midnight after an extra long, extra arduous day, because he couldn’t sleep until he heard my voice. I was so profoundly touched when he told me that.


    I have never felt so wanted, so needed……..so ……….loved…. by anyone in my whole life. It is so different than what I shared with my ex-husband. My Ent shares all of himself with me, my ex never did. Perhaps that was a result of the alcoholism. *shrugs*  All I know, is when he leaves me little love notes on my cell phone and writes stories for me, leaves me loving messages off line and calls me as I am going to bed, I feel cherished and that is a loverly feeling.


    Brightest of  Blessings,
    Amethyst