May 1, 2006

  • Happy Mayday! Happy Beltane! Another month begins as time glides by at an ever more frighteningly swift pace. The only GOOD thing about that is, maybe the 3 months my Ent is at sea will go more quickly (of course we all know that the exact opposite will occur and this will be THE LONGEST summer on record). With the next Shadow Lane party in August and my two week (hopefully) vacation to see my Ent in September (if all the stars and planets align in our favour) I have plenty to look forward to in the early Autumn.


    I am feeling somewhat better now. The pain has lessend and I can actually draw a deep breath without having to sneak up on it. I have given up on doctors (for the time being) as they have not been able to determine what exactly is causing the pain in my side. I owe so much money due to the all the tests,I don't even want to pay the 15 dollars to see the specialist.  I am trying some homeopathic remedies and had a reiki treatment on Saturday, both of which seem to be helping. I have an understanding of how my chakras are working(or in this case the couple that aren't) and know what I need to do to get them in working order. That should help with all sorts of things. *grins*


    I also found out my third eye is closed and that there is a reason for that happening. I need to learn to know myself and the Goddess within before I can find her without. This is a totally daunting task, but knowing this explains so much I could never figure out. I have always been hesitant and fearful of discovering the real me...I know that much of what I know of myself is real, but so much more is  a facade I have put up over the years...from all the hurt and loneliness, even the the self abuse I commit, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I have talked with friends, as I am at a loss as to just what I need to do in order to get to know myself and ultimately love myself. We discussed journaling, meditating, really listening to and not running from my inner self, reading, and more reiki treatments. A new adventure as I purposefully settle down to explore and excavate the REAL me. I am scared yet exhilarated, shy yet determined. One of my dear friends that I have discussed this with told me that I would learn to love me as much as she does. She apparently sees more than I do and has seen the real me...I wonder where I was? *LOL*


    In any event, I am going to work on keeping a more faithful journal of my journey. This is another beginning. As I take time to journey inwards I am also journeying outward, reconnecting with old and dear friends I have missed. Hey,  who knows, hopefully I'll connect with a new and dear friend, myself.


    Bright Blessings,
    Amethyst