I hate this feeling of anticipation....as if something is waiting for me just around the corner.  I  have had it for the last few days, and it is not the first time in my life I have ever had it. I look and work searching for what is waiting for me, ready to embrace whatever it is. Unfortunately, nothing has ever come of these feelings, which is very disappointing.

I am antsy...and oh so restless...feeling as if I am standing the edge of the precipice ready to step off....not unlike the Fool in the Tarot deck. I fervently hope, this time, something wonderful comes from these feelings...I am due a little good, a little happy...a nice surprise...it's been too long.

Please don't get me wrong, I try to the find bits of happiness and joy I know are around me everyday, even the not so good times. It would be nice however, to have a just a little longer stretch of it, I believe I deserve it. Yes, I do ....I deserve it...

Bright Blessings,

Ame

Just as I was preparing to come home for lunch, I learned a co-worker of mine died suddenly...just an hour before I found out. He was so nice and always had a smile and kind things to say to everyone. I am once again made to realize how quickly lives can change. Literally in a heartbeat.

I took him for granted...somedays barely smiling in response to his greeting...and yet he ALWAYS had a smile and a hello. Now, I won't ever get to see that smile again or hear his gentle greetings.

It is true, that we should live each day as if it was our last...we need to love and cherish each other, even when we disagree on things...embrace our differences and as well as those things we have in common. We need to do the things we keep putting off...dreams...fantasies...life...be it because we don't have the time...the money ...or we are afraid...cause tomorrow may never come...

I love you all so much...I know I say it alot, but it is important that you all know how very important you are to me and my life.

As hard as today has been, it has been a life-affirming day, also. I have always enjoyed my life...for the most part, despite the occasional down/dark times, I have had a good life...but I see now I haven’t really LIVED my life...

I do believe that is going to change... *sighs*