Huzzah for Fridays! Have a great weekend, everyone. I'm sure I'll be back tonight or tomorrow to catch up on my reading.

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

Just returned from celebrating my husband's birthday. Most of the Rogues showed up and we had a lovely, if not rowdy time! Come on...these are the Rogues we are talking about, we are known for our parties on our little Ren Faire circuit! We are THE group to hang with...oops, sorry, just got a wee bit carried away!

Happy birthday, my darling scoundrel...and here is to many more!

Aren't friends wonderful!?! I can't imagine my life now without the Rogues, my good friends from work and... all my friends, old and new I have made in my various groups, most especailly here at Xanga. My life is so much more, because I have people to love and care for, people to laugh with and cry with, be silly with and perfectly serious with...okay...who am I kidding...somewhat serious with... People I can entrust my deepest self with and know they will love me despite of(or maybe because of)all my flaws. It is a sublime and awesome gift I have been given to have such people in my life.

To all of you who have joined my circle of friends since I have joined Xanga, I welcome you into my life  and my heart. I look forward to deeping our relationships and discovering our many layers. It is with deep respect I offer my love, a strong shoulder and open heart  to all of you. 

Brightest of Blessings and big bear Hugs to you all,

Amethyst

Part 3...( I need to write this, please be patient with the length!)

...Is actually a continuation of the last entry. I really need to touch on the spiritual aspect of my early life, because it had a profound influence on the rest of my life. Actually, it is all due to my mama. My mother was a very tolerant person. She was very liberal for one of her generation. As I may have stated before, she gifted my siblings and myself with the most incredible, sublime gift a mother could give her children...the freedom to choose. The freedom to choose who our friends were, the freedom to grow-up and choose what we want to do with our lives, and for me...looking back now...perhaps the most important choice...the freedom to choose what path to follow.

Because of this, I visited churches of many faiths as I was growing up. I was, from a very young age very spiritual. When I was younger I classified being religious and spiritual as the same thing. If there was anyone of my friends or spiritual leaders who knew the difference, they never told me. It was not until I was much older that I learned the difference.

I went to Catholic churches, Baptist churches, Southern Baptist churches, and while I learned a great deal, nothing caught my heart and soul. Finally, when I was seventeen, a dear friend of mine, asked me if I wanted to go to church with she and her family. I said sure, and I did. It was very different from all the other churches I had been to in the years I had been searching. People were very friendly and they didn't expect me to know everything, like so many other churches I had been to. It was the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-Day Saints (Mormons). I took the missionary lessons and was baptized.

My darling mama shook her head **Remember, Mama called me her special child, and Mormonism was not considered mainstream religion...She should see me now ** and gave me big hugs and told me that as long as I was happy, she was happy for me. I felt as if I belonged and quickly ensconced my self into an active, busy, and somewhat happy way of life.

I was active! I taught the children for many, many years and sang in the choir. I went to young adult and singles dances as I got older. I did everything I could to be the good Mormon girl. I planned on waiting to marry a returned Missionary and raise a large family(which had been my dream since I was little girl...to raise a large family that is!). I went to Sunday school and Relief society.

The only real thing I had a problem with was preaching the gospel to others. Because of my upbringing and belief that it is a persons choice to believe in what they will, it was VERY difficult for me to talk to others about the church. At least in a preachy way. If people had questions, I could talk for hours about my church.but not to try to convert someone. How presumptuous!

So, I was not in any way shape or form in the frame of mind to be a missionary. One of the reasons why was because every church I had ever been to, claimed to be the only true church! Mormons teach that there is truth in all religions, they just have the all of the truth. It bothered me just a bit...okay alot and I couldn't reconcile my heart to what I had been taught. 

The older I got the more restless I got, especially when I passed my 21st birthday, my 25th birthday and there were no marriage prospects. I was engaged to a man for a short while when I was 28, but ended that very quickly for reasons I will discuss when I get to that point in my story. Suffice it to say, I found as I got older that for whatever reason, I was not what a returned missionary wanted in a wife and I gave up at the age of 34ish looking to get married....to anybody!

Lo and Behold...into my life beams Michael...NOT a member of the church! And go figure...he falls in love with me(and I with him).  We moved in together{GASP!} and I married him 6 months after that.  He was my first in every way. I could not believe God would condemn me for loving someone, whether a Mormon or not. Love is such a precious gift and difficult at times to find...and I had become uncomfortable with so much in the church, I became less active. Actually, I had been called the most liberal Mormon most people have ever met...I have  close friends of all faiths, I have close friends who are gay...I have close friends who are different from the "norm"...well guess what...SO AM I!!!! but I digress! My world was expanding and no longer felt comfortable in my little niche.

Michael was studying Paganism and I discovered many of my friend are Pagan. In an effort to understand what their beliefs are and always looking forward to learning something new, I began studying Paganism in general. Somewhere along the line and it happened VERY quickly, the journey became my own and I have been on my path for 2 years now.  Never has my heart and soul been bonded together in song like this!. Never has truth washed over me in gentle waves and at times like a hurricane. This ...This is what I have been searching for all my life...I wish I had found it sooner, but a voice inside me assures me that I wa not ready until now!

Please don't get me wrong, The church was what I needed at that time in my life...especially since they teach there is a Mother in Heaven as well as a Father in Heaven. It seemed quite the natural step (for me anyway), up to this point in my life. Imagine, a Goddess! How wonderful! How sublime....how "right' it is to me. The Lady and the Lord...balance...the way it should be.

So...excuse my long windedness...I didn't realize there was so much that needed to be written about this! It was going to be a relatively short discourse!

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

Part 2...

Where did I leave off...Oh yes...the dreaded, wonderful, horrible, mysterious teen years! It was all those things and more! What joy there was, in the simplest things. Being with my friends, listening to all kinds of music, getting lost in my books, 4th of July, Christmas, Summer Vacation!

As stated in my earlier entry, I was a quiet youngster. While I had no lack of friends at all, I found I liked my own company as well. I was perfectly content to be in my room with my music and my books and my dreams. My mom called me her special child, beacause I was not what she considered normal. At the ages of 11, 12, and 13, I could recite Shakespeare, listened to classical music (which I discovered on my own, same with Mr. Shakespeare!), wrote stories and poetry(such as it was), fell in love with mythology, and The Arthurian legend. Oh, and I loved musicals! I wanted to be a dancer for the longest time (still do!), but we were not wealthy, and I was tall at a young age...oh well!

Now, don't get me wrong...my first pre-teen crush on a teen idol was Bobby Sherman, and I grew up watching the Osmond Brothers on the Andy William's show. I was giggly and silly, somewhat goofy and very day dreamy. I was very much a teeny-bopper (how I detested that label growing up! Not that crazy about now..hee..hee...hee...) and I had posters on my walls and read "Tiger Beat" and "16" magazines. I even went to four Osmond concerts through out my teen years.

One of my best friends in jr. high school and high school was very serious, well-traveled (she had been all over the world!) and sophisticated...I had my first Champagne with her one New Years. I have heard that opposites attract and boy, did we! We shared a love of Musicals, Science Fiction (She introduced me to Ray Bradbury, who is the author I cut my teeth on, so to speak, and hurled me into a life long love affair with Sci-fi and fantasy), classical music and old movies. She taught me so much about the world, and I taught her how to relax and have silly wonderful fun! We balanced each other out. I love her to this day!

I'll skip over of Jr. High, it was there, and I really don't have many memories of it ...except I was very much trying to fit into my skin and figure out who I was...and the adventure continues to this day!

High school was a kick! I loved my friends and most of my teachers. I was about a "b" student and my favorite classes were English, Literature, Mythology, Marriage and Family, Vocational Child care (my senior year), and most of all...Choir! I loved to sing, I was much better in highschool than I am now. I had a marvelous teacher (actually, I had a couple, as I had been involved in choir since 1st grade.) I never was confident enough to solo and to this day, I will not sing unless there are at least four other people singing with me!

I almost had my first date in 10th grade, There was a boy who was a year ahead of me in school, and sang bass, and his sister sat next to me in choir. We had a lot of fun together, and in one of my year books he wrote that he loved me (as he listed everything else he loved...choir, school, Cora...me...) and one day he asked me to go to a movie with him. I was stunned...(I'll cover my huge insecurity at a later date!) and excited. I really liked him! Mom and Dad said I could go, but I got cold feet and backed out. I have regretted it ever since. It is perhaps the one thing I regret most in my life. He later became a druggie (old term from school) and hung out with a bad crowd. I often wondered during my early adulthood (and I admit, it still occassionally crosses my mind), if I had gone out with him, and we had developed a relationship, would he have gone into drugs? Would his life had turned out differently? Would mine? I'll never know, and there is a sadness in me, when I think of Jim, because I have no idea what ever happend to him.

As it turns out, he is the only one who ever asked me out...did I bring some bad luck onto my self? I didn't know about Karma then...I wonder? I remained "single" all through high school, all though I had several close wonderful guy friends. I think, at times, that was better.

I had a great group of friends...we weren't nerds by any means,but weren't the "cool" kids either. Well... we thought we were cool, and didn't care what others thought. It was at this time I came into awareness of alternate lifestyles, as I had a best friend who was gay. He lived a couple doors down from me and we used to walk to and from school together. He was a wonderfully funny and supportive friend. He wanted more then anything to be an dancer (okay...no funny cracks here...not all my gay friends had theatrical ambitions...actually he was the only one!) Anyway, he could dance like no one I had ever seen before. He took my breath away!  Enough for now! There is more, but I have other things Ineed to do...

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

It has occurred to me that since this is a journal...of sorts...I should include a brief (?) bio. Why not...maybe it will jog some more memories!

So, to begin at the beginning, My name is Kim and I live in Las Vegas.I am in my early forties, with dark long hair and two different coloured eyes. On my driver's license I call them hazel because it is easier than saying my left eye is brown and my right eye is green!

Part 1...

I come from a very loving family and have no horribly horrendous tragic secrets in my past. My childhood was idyllic and aside from the normal teenage angst, loved my family from the time they welcomed me on the day I was born.

Okay, I guess my mom and father divorcing when I was six could be construed as horrible, but it was the best thing my mom ever did. We lived with my mom's parents, where we had a stable and loving homelife. I was a happy child and a people pleaser. I was quiet, but had my share of friends. In fact, I had best friends, a great school, wonderful teachers and animals to love. My grandpa was my hero and I adored him. Grandma stayed home and took care of us while mom and grandpa worked. I remember so many lovely things as I was growing up!

Okay, the strange dreams continue! I dreamt last night that I, along with others whom I assume were friends of mine, were going to a new Dolphin pool to work! We arrived and the dolphins were so excited to see us. I sat down at the edge of the pool and one of the dolphins managed to swim up and snuggled up(that's exactly what it was like) to me and didn't want to go back in the pool to work out. It was as if it choose me! The trainer had to coax the dolphin back with the group and it was with some reluctance it joined it's mates. I was anxious to get in the water and begin working and playing with my dolphin.

The next phase of the dream had to do with horses, but not one in particular. It is much more hazy and I don't remember any of the details, but there were definitely horses involved.

So...I'm not sure what to make of these dreams. I loved horses as a little girl, never had the chance to ride one. I have felt a connection with dolphins since I was in grade school and  always wished I could work with them. It is not something I dwell on and have only recently really thought about dolphins because of an entry or two in Shadowdancer's  blog. Even then, it was just wishful thinking. Oh well, maybe I need to go to the Dolphin experience at the Mirage again, I love going there and only wish I could get closer to the dolphins.Oh well.{sigh}

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

I have had the strangest dreams these last few days (even for me!) I had a dream about my grandma coming to see me. She was as old as she was when she died (about 75) but looked younger and softer...more radiant? She said she was here to help me and I realized we were in what appeared to be her mobile home...she smiled and turned from me and I went exploring. In one room were steele cribs such as one would find in hospitals, and there were children of varying ages in them. They had feeding tubes and oxygen tubes and looked so sad and frightened. My heart went out to them and I wanted to do something, but I couldn't.

The next room had a whirlpool not unlike what one would find in a physical therapist's office. The next room had a tub with 2 or 3 shower heads and was in front of a big picture window. It didn't occur to me that this was just wrong. A really good-looking man came in and asked me if I was going to use it...I'm not sure what I said, but he smiled, turned on the water and there were some darling little children playing in the tub. (Which, by the way, was much shallower than I had orignally thought.)

The next dream was interesting too! I was with a little girl, about 8 or 9 years old. We were talking and laughing and I held up what I believe was a ren faire costume, but was too little for her. I asked her if she wanted me (I don't remember my husband in either dream)to adopt her...or if she would mind if I adopted her. I believe she wanted it as much as I did.

Next thing I knew, I was watching 2 or 3 young boys playing stringed instruments and I heard Scarborough Faire. One of the boys was a spirit and I knew he was and it was okay. They talked to me, but I have no clue what we talked about.

Now it occurs to me that I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that I probably won't ever have a child of my own, but this is very different for me. I very rarely dream about members of my family that have died (my grandma, grandpa, and mama) or those who are still here with me, but this is the second dream in a couple of weeks that has had my family in them. The one before had my mama in it and it was a strange one too!

Anyway...I had to put them in writing, I remember so much detail(wish I could have remembered more, I feel as if there are some important things I missed!) and they have stayed with me, they begged to be put to paper (so to speak...) I have much pondering to do!

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

I watched the eclipse on television today and found tears running down my face. How curious! It was an awe-inspiring sight and I read everything I could get my hands on today regarding the event. I was captivated by the spectacular show! My heart pounded and my breath kept catching as the totality became a reality. It was a sublime way to begin my day.

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

A happy Solstice to all my new friends! I hope everyone has a chance to enjoy this beautiful day.

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst

I went to feed the ducks the other day at Sunset Park, and I had a lovely experience. So many people were out enjoying the day. I saw a grandpa and his young grandaughter fishing, and it brought tears to my eyes as I remembered fishing with MY Grandpa as a very little girl. I hated fishing, but there was nothing that would keep me from spending special alone time with grandpa! (I even baited my own hook with live worms although I preferred velveeta!) He stood 6'7" in his stocking feet and even when I was older he seemed to tower over me. It was like hugging a tree, being wrapped up in one of his hugs and he always smelled sooo good! <giggle> I used to stand on his feet when we danced together and I felt as if I was dancing on a cloud! I guess I don't have to tell you, I adored my grandfather, and I was devastated when he died when I was 18.

Anyway, there were lots of kids running and playing and I could hear the sound of laughter being carried on the breeze and it made me smile. Nothing can bring a smile to my heart like the sound of children and their deep down belly laughs!

I took my time feeding the ducks, and the geese...my they can be so greedy and you would think they are never...ever...fed! As I was tossing out the crumbs, I saw a tiny little yellow fluff of down...a baby duck...He/she/it was so cute and so little and trying so hard to get a bite to eat. I was so grateful to have a chance to see it. Life renewing itself...what a marvelous gift!

Bright Blessings,

Amethyst